


The Joi of Secks

by starhawk2005



Category: House M.D.
Genre: F/M, Ficlet, Het, Smut, bad!sex (deliberate), crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-14
Updated: 2012-08-14
Packaged: 2017-11-12 04:06:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/486500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starhawk2005/pseuds/starhawk2005
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is bad!fic. Or rather, bad!sex fic. All 'speeling' errors, OOC moments, and other usual badfic elements are intentional. Any resemblance to the work of any other smut-writers (other than myself), anywhere, either living or dead or in some half-way state between, is purely unintentional and possibly hilarious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Joi of Secks

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: *whistles innocently* No ownie.  
> Special thanks to: Oh, it was beta’d, I just don’t want to name them.They’re not responsible for…this. They know who they are.

House pushed open the door to the Lab of Love. “Honey,” he said. “Let’s _shag_ like bunnies. Right here, right _now_.”

Cmaeron immediately dropped everything – glasses, labcoat, microscope (it made an interesting tinkling crash as it hit the floor), clothing – before she thought to ask: “But wait, won’t we get caught, Greggie?” 

“No.”

“How can you be so sure? I know it’s the middle of the night, but this _is_ a hospital. Nurses and orderlies and janitors and other staff are still around, you know. And the walls here are made of glass,” she reminded him.

“Because the author _wants_ one of the other staff to catch us. Don’t worrry, it’s all part of the plot. “Now, let’s _go_ …”, he said, stripping off his own clothes.

His boxers came off last, and she was, as always, impressed by the size and length of his 14-inch schlong. In fact, she could barely get her hand around it. But she knelt down on the floor and somehow managed to get it into her mouth. _Must be the_ Power of Lurve TM _that allows me to accommodate something so_ huge, she thought.

He was all the way down her throat, but she didn’t gag at all – more of that Power of LurveTM thing – and she worked on him for a minute or so, before he stopped her, just before he had his ‘love explosion’, because he was considerate like that.

house put her up on the counter, where she immediately had her own ‘love explosion, because gosh golly, she was just _sooooo_ turned on, and then he sucked on her nipple and using his mouth on her pearly bundle of throbbing, swollen, pulsing, stiff little love-button of joi, both at the same time. “How are you doing _that_?” she asked, having another orgasm.

“Well, I used to work in a circus as a contortionist…”

But she lost the rest of his reply, too busy having her third eruption of love yet.

A few hours passed, while House busied himself licking and sucking down between her legs, in her ‘female place’, and Ali lost count of how many climaxes of lust she experienced. More than 30, surely. Must have been that Power of LurveTM thing again.

“Let’s finish this up,” he said, finally straightening up. “I agreed to screw Wilson in Exam Room Twenty-Two in about a half-hour. Gotta get that all-important clinic time in, y’know.”

A pile of condoms magically appeared next to them on the counter, because the author had forgotten to work them neatly into the plot, earlier, and now couldn’t be bothered because they were about to get to the ‘good stuff’, and Allison tired to get one them onto Greggory. But they wouldn’t fit, because he was so much more endowed than most men. 

They kept ripping and popping, until House fished around in the pile and found a ‘Magnum’ Super DeluXXXe-sized condom, and Allison rolled it quickly onto his ‘piston of passion’. 

That was when he picked her up, and then pinned her up against a nearby wall (glass, of course, but magically unbreakable thx to the Power of LurveAM), his sexy droolworthy forearms underneath her butt and holding her in place.

“Wait-“she exclaimed. “How can you do this? Aren’t you supposed to have a thigh infarction and be in chronic pain all the time, and need a cane to walk?”

“Nah,” House said. “By the way, I love you!” he said, right before starting to thrust into her channel of flaming desire, which immediately gave her yet another orgasm. She didn’t know how he could get into her with just one thrust – especially given the hughness of his endowments – but she supposed it was that convenient Power of LurveTm thing again.

But the author decided they needed some more exposition on the matter, so in between gasps of pleasure, House explained, “That cane is just a prop. I don’t even use it in the correct hand. Hadn’t you even noticed? You’re supposed to be a doctor, after all! Besides, the author had me take about 8 Vicodin before I came down here, so at least some readers will think that that makes me capable of doing whatever I want.”

“Oh, right.” Cammie said, too distracted by her 40th? 50th? conflagration of lust of the night. Well, morning by now, it was getting late.

The next half-hour passed, in a mix of endless thrusting and several hundred more towering infernos of secksual pleesare for both of them, before the author ran out of ideas for both sexual acts and plot, and just decided to say


End file.
